Are you a woman who is beautiful, intelligent, successful, with a great personality…but SINGLE? Do you ever find yourself asking why women who don’t have half as much going for themselves as you do seem to have a lot less trouble than you finding a man? Well I have the answer to your question, but first a little background…
For a vast majority of girls as we grew up, we were programmed to believe that men want a beautiful, smart, and independently successful woman with a great personality. In school the girls who were deemed the prettiest always got the guys while the less cute girls had to take a backseat…So it is only natural that many women believe that the prettier they are the more desirable they will be to men; thus the easier it will be to get a man. However for a variety of reasons that logic doesn’t in fact hold true.
The truth is a good 75-85% of men are not looking for a beautiful, intelligent, very successful woman, with a great personality. What they are a looking for is a woman who is cute enough, smart enough, successful enough, and has a good enough personality. What are the enoughs? Cute enough to be seen in public with, smart enough to hold a decent conversation, successful enough to not put too much of a hurting on their pockets, and a good enough personality to be moderately engaging, not annoy the hell out of them, and to be able to stand for an extended period of time. But wait…there is something I left out which is actually what many many many men would argue is the most important thing- being GREAT in bed. A man will gladly accept a woman who simply adequate and even mediocre in just about every category, as long as he believes that she is good in bed. Of course men are also more than happy to be with a woman who is an A in every category, but that is a bonus not a requirement.
So what does this mean to you…you bust your butt to get into a great university, get your degree, get that good job, make sure you keep your looks right and your body tight, you have so many wonderful personal traits that any guy should (that you were led to believe) want in a woman…BUT when it comes to getting a man being the full package (a 10) will not necessarily give you the advantage over women who are lacking in categories that you are not. Why? Because frankly none of those traits have anything to do with being great in bed. Insulting right? Well ladies, here is the best advice I can give to you: get over it!
Get over this idea that you being an exceptional woman in every way is going to mean much to most men. You can take comfort in the fact that being successful makes it easier for you to live the lifestyle you want to live. However, get over the idea that your top notch corporate job with benefits and a 401K makes you more desirable to average guy than a woman who makes 7 bucks an hour. Get over the idea that you can get any man you want because you look good and your body is banging. Once a woman has passed a guy’s minimum threshold of “cute enough” everything else is a bonus not something they feel compelled to seek out. Get over the idea that sex is not the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd biggest issue in the average guy’s mind that often trumps all else. Plus it’s not just the actual act, it is about all the extras and what they believe you will or won’t do that you will be judged on so you might as well get over that too.
I know this sounds overly simplistic, but I promise you that once you accept these basic premises and get over it dating will become a lot less stressful and mystifying. Now that you are armed with this information what can you do? Personally I don’t believe in what I call “advertising”, which is when you basically pitch yourself to a guy and all the reasons that he should want to be with you. I certainly would never advocate (for instance) putting your sexual resume on the table as a way to get a man. However, you should be open in your communication in every aspect of a relationship and not take for granted the importance that men place on certain things (especially sex). During courtship focus your energy and attention on things that make you desirable in a relationship not just on paper. You will get much further talking about the kinds of things you like to do when you have a boyfriend rather than rambling on about your job or all the work you have to do for your school.
I have more I could share…but I will have to save that for Part 2. I hope you learned something new today that you can apply to your dating life. Feel free to share your thoughts and where you think I’m right or wrong.
What do you ladies and gents think about my premise? What do you think needs to be added to the “get over it” list? Have your experiences shown this column to be true or false?
Posted by Reecie
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